She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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