I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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