I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
