Got a toothbrush?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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