I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
