She's JV to your varsity
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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