drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
