You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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