Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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