He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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