I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
