***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
