i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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