you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
