I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
