I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
