the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
