Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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