i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
