i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
