You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
