Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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