The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
