Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
