My friends, they love my intelligence
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
