is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
