I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
