did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
