Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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