Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
