It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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