She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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