Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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