Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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