The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
