my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
