I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
