you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
