Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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