I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
