you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
