How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
