In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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