I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
