Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
