I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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