i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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