Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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