my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
