Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
