i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
