She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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