a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
