Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
