i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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