thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
birth control should be required to get into college
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
