He uses pillows to masturbate.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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