I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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