No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
