This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
