Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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