if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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