I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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