i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
