Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
