She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
