he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
