My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
