Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PANTIES FOUND
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
