No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
