We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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